Spider Sickness

Oh I am sick. I just coached myself, while freaking out, with my sister-in-law, Megan, on the phone, to kill the biggest leg span circumference and fattest spider I have ever seen in my house.

Where? On the carpet in my bedroom - 1mm from climbing up my white comforter. It actually had a few legs on the comforter, at one point, when I was throwing things at it to see how fast it moved (Megan's idea, also Megan's idea to spray Lysol on it- she said it works- I like this idea except I didn't have any).

When? At night without Luke home to kill it for me. Luke I want your job in SC to be over so you can rescue your damsel in distress over spiders.

Why? I HATE SPIDERS!!! I am definitely irrational about them... Arachnophobia is by far one of the scariest, realest movies of all time. They are so gross, creepy, fast, leggy and mean looking that I think I would die if one crawled on me. That is why killing it is so hard for me. I worry about it escaping up my arm or leg! And then there's feeling it squish in the toilet paper or under your shoe. And to think my sister, Nancy, squishes 'em between her fingers! And then there's cleaning it up or flushing it down the toilet and still feeling like it could crawl out of the toilet at any time and get you. Irrational I know, just wait till you ask me about roosters!

So what happened? Megan, my phone support buddy, and new spider confidante, had to go to bed so I was dreadfully on my own. I threw a few things at it, but it just kept standing its ground. Duh! Move away from my comforter you vile thing. I tried one more time and it ran a little so I threw a bowl over it! Then while keeping down pressure on it, I slid it slowly over to get it on the tile. I kept seeing all these little moving black specks on the bowl not understanding what they were. Then, at the threshold of the doorway, the spider's legs popped out and it laid there crunched flat in the carpet. But it was crawling with little black dots that were quickly spreading from her body. "HER" body? "FAT" spider? BABIES!! I just smashed a hesitant to move, pregnant spider - in LABOR! Oh the nausea in the pit of my stomach. Her body was still glaring at me and all these little babies were getting away. I sprayed it with the only thing I had - window cleaner. It did a pretty good job and what babies didn't die from that, died when I vacuumed them up. That was Luke's good idea. Yes I had to call him for moral support and tips for how to pick up the pregnant body and all the little black specks that were slightly crawling still. The portable hand vacuum worked great so I didn't have to feel it in the toilet paper or see it go down the toilet. Now Luke gets to empty it for me when he comes home next.

Even though the debacle is over, I am still creepin' out about it and thoroughly nauseous. That is why I am writing this - to document the name and symptoms for my new medical disease that I discovered occurs in some people for hours after encountering spiders - not a clever name, just the bare ugly truth - Spider Sickness. And it's double if you encounter 50 at the same time. I am double SICK! The only treatment is sleep and increased time between encounters! ~ Goodnight...